Our Fertility Journey: Forever in My Heart-Waiting for the Day I Can Hold You in My Arms

Plans Change and Change Again Sometimes, I think God laughs at me when I make plans. I'd like to think he finds some moderate enjoyment in watching my mind work. The recent turn of events is a perfect example of that. I was sitting at my desk, at work, and taking a break to scroll Facebook. A guy I went to school with and his wife posted a picture from the day they officially adopted their son. Seeing their picture made me so grateful for how Edison came into our life and that he is ours. It also made me question our plan for IVF. It wasn't that I didn't wan't to do it, but I started contemplating embryo adoption instead. This seems like an odd shift given our reproductive bits checked out just fine; this means we can use our own embryos and would have decent chances at a successful pregnancy. Something inside me didn't want to use ours, though. I just kept thinking about these unborn, frozen babies, just waiting to be born. I thought about Edison's very spec...

Looking back at where this blog started and where our journey began is indescribable. I feel the term "blessed" is tossed around too often, but blessed is exactly how I feel. Our perfect little boy turned 1 in June and seeing the person he is becoming, even at 1 year of age, is exciting. He is adventurous yet cuddly, outgoing yet needs time to make sure he trusts you, and is confident and knows he is loved. When we first found out about him and the cost of adoption, we were more than OK with him being our one and only. We still share that mentality, but after he was four months old, my husband mentioned the idea of giving him a sibling. Having a child changes your perspective in many facets, which I  know all of my parent friends are well aware of, but what I didn't expect was that the wanting for another child has nothing to do with the parents, but for the first born. We want him to have a sibling if that is in God's plan. You are all keenly aware of our inability...

I can't believe this is my last post. I can still remember being a more innocent version of myself, newly married beginning our fertility journey. I had no idea the obstacles yet to overcome nor the precious ending. Yesterday was our final adoption hearing. It was surreal because we were already a family and he was already our son, but this was the final step in a 3 year journey to have our little one at last. I've said it a million times, and I will continue to say it- he was always meant be ours, we just had to find one another. There is nothing more we will ever need and the rest of our lives has officially begun..... Adoption Day 10/8/18 Our Beautiful Boy, There are no words to describe how much you mean to us, but we will do our best. There is a story that we read together a lot and there is this part where it says: Waiting for the day our paths would cross And you and I turned into we Oh, I've loved you since forever And forever's how long you...

Our beautiful boy is sitting beside me as I type this. My fingers will not give justice to the overwhelming joy our hearts feel, but I will try my best. On June 11th, at 3:09 am, we received the call that would change our lives forever... The Call The call came early on a Monday morning that was two days after his due date. My husband and I rushed to the hospital. We were joined with both of who created him which made it that much more beautiful. The contractions came hard and fast leaving us with little time as he made his appearance at 6:05 am. This moment will be engraved in us forever. There He Was I will always cherish the moments leading up to his birth and what transpired after. I breathed with his birth mother and rubbed her back. I wanted so bad to take away all of the physical pain she had as she was giving us this amazing gift. She couldn't have an epidural because we were too close which only added to my guilt. The nurse then asked her who she wanted t...

As I'm typing this, I can't believe that almost 5 months ago this amazing miracle was brought to us. What is even more astonishing is that in just over 6 weeks, we will get hold hold our little peanut. Our process has definitely been unconventional, and we are forever grateful for this. Many are unfamiliar with what the process is going forward so I thought I'd shed some light on that for you all. The Typical Adoption Path Vs Our Path When a couple decides they want to adopt, their process will typically goes as follows: Think about it< Find an Agency<Fill Out Paperwork< Home Study< Approval< Match (This can take 2 years after approval)< Baby Comes< Legal Risk Period< Breath< Final Paperwork Now here is our path: Informed of this amazing opportunity< Think About it< Meet birth mom and match ourselves< Find Agency< Paperwork< Approval< Baby Comes< Legal Risk Period< Breath< Final Paperwork We just fo...

After three miscarriages, I feel like I should be a pro at this point. In reflecting back on each one, it is clear they each have been more complicated than the last. The first lasted over 60 days. The second was a tad shorter but if you read our blog a year ago know that there were some complications with my blood work. When we were experiencing our third, I felt like maybe this one will be more straight forward and easier. I know saying the words easy and miscarriage in the same paragraph seem wrong, but when you've gone through what we have, you can say whatever you want. Needless to say, my third was definitely not as simple as I thought it would be. For those who haven't joined the land of the infertile, pregnancy is a lot different. You pee on a stick and celebrate the happy news. At 8 weeks you go to the doctor and hear your baby's heartbeat and the joy continues. For those who see a fertility specialist or take fertility meds, there is more to it than that. Yes, y...

My Dear Little Peanut, You came to us at such an unexpected time. We had a plan and knew your brother was coming in June. When we first found out about you, I think my reaction was different than the rest because I just didn’t think you’d come so soon. I always heard of those getting pregnant after adopting, but this just seemed quick. I also was worried, because I wanted to be able to give my best to both of you and worried I wouldn’t be able to with how close in age you’d be. I’m so sorry that your life with us was spent with my worries. I’m also sorry my guard was up. When you experience loss like this so many times, you almost grow numb to it. Please know that doesn’t mean you were not loved. In fact, you always will be. You are with your two other siblings in a world I haven’t gotten to see yet, but we will be reunited later in life and I will get to hold you. For now, I ask that you be a guardian angel to your brother on earth that will soon join us. This loss was different...