Sharing our journey of infertility to break the silence in hopes of helping others know they aren't alone.
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An Open Letter to Our Miracle, Our Son
I can't believe this is my last post. I can still remember being a more innocent version of myself, newly married beginning our fertility journey. I had no idea the obstacles yet to overcome nor the precious ending. Yesterday was our final adoption hearing. It was surreal because we were already a family and he was already our son, but this was the final step in a 3 year journey to have our little one at last. I've said it a million times, and I will continue to say it- he was always meant be ours, we just had to find one another. There is nothing more we will ever need and the rest of our lives has officially begun.....
Adoption Day
10/8/18
Our Beautiful Boy,
There are no words to describe how much you mean to us, but we will do our best. There is a story that we read together a lot and there is this part where it says:
Waiting for the day our paths would cross And you and I turned into we Oh, I've loved you since forever And forever's how long you'll be loved by me
This is us, my love. Mama remembers having vivid dreams of a perfect little boy with brown hair that would be her son even before she was married. Then in the 3 years we tried and tried for you, we just knew that you would find us. You did find us, little one, and not a day will ever pass that we are not the luckiest parents in the world because YOU are our son. We loved you before we knew you were here, we loved you when we first found out you were growing, and we loved you in that instant you came into the world and our eyes locked. Each and every day since then, we have been so blessed to see this sweet soul you have. We already know you are kind, silly, smart, good, and beautiful in every way. You deserve the best things this world has to offer, and we promise to do everything we can to make that so:
We promise to embrace who YOU are.
We promise to cherish everything that makes you YOU.
We promise to give you all the cuddles you need, even when you think you are too old for them.
We promise to cheer you on in every passion you pursue.
We promise to guide you when you need it but also give you the independence you desire.
We promise to do everything in our power to never let anyone hurt you, and also be your comfort when it happens anyway.
We promise to always aspire to give you our best in every aspect.
Most importantly, we promise to love you, unconditionally, forever.
You are our son and because of that there is nothing more in life we will ever need.
Mama and Daddy love you so much, and we are so blessed for this beautiful life with you.
Truly Yours Forever,
Love,
Mama and Daddy
The journey may have been long and at times hopeless, but it was all worth it because it lead us to our perfect boy. I would do it all over again because it lead us to you.
Thank you to all who have read this. Your messages, prayers, and support have given me courage. I’m just so glad I shared our story. If I never documented and shared our experience, we wouldn’t have found out about our son. A voice told me to share our story. It was honestly for selfish reasons because infertility can feel lonely, but then turned into something I wanted to do to help others. Little did I know, God had other plans as well.
My only advise to anyone going through this is to give it all to God and know it WILL work out. You’ve got this. ♥️
I didn't expect to have an update this soon, but what I need to realize is I need to stop having any expectations. I have no clue which obstacles will continue, how high or low the hills will be, and there is not a single thing I can do about it. The reason I say this is because I didn't think my appointment on Monday to have the ultrasound would be a big deal. My husband, Tim, insisted my mom come with me since he had to work and I asked her even though I saw no point. This wasn't supposed to be a big appointment and I already knew what the situation was. I knew I had a heart-shaped uterus so what else was there to worry about? Wrong again. As I'm sitting on the table with the nurse examining my lady business, I asked her what she saw. Of course she played it safe and told me my doctor would go over everything with me. She was nice about it, but it still annoyed me. Just tell me already, no your not a doctor but you also know wh...
I thought it fitting to have my first real fertility appointment with my new doctor during the week of my birthday. It made sense with beginning a new year of life and I feel good about my doctor. She was able to reassure me that it's okay and we can still get pregnant. I think it's important to hear any positivity in these situations and any doctor who can provide that no matter the circumstance is a hero in my book. She not only reassured me with the fact that we did get pregnant, but also that she had her son at the age of 35, so this whole clock dwindling concept is silly. I left that appointment with directions to get an HSG done which basically determines if your fallopian tubes flow properly and addresses my "upside down-heart-shaped uterus." There is a much fancier term for it (bicornuate uterus), but I prefer my catchy phrase. The test was today and for those of you who have not experienced it, they tell you it feels like your worst period cram...
As I'm driving home from work today, I randomly think about my fertility app on my phone. I won't tell you that I actually updated my calendar while driving....but back to my point. So I updated where my lovely lady business is in regards to ovulating and "aunt flow." Then this beautiful message pops up, your fertility window is open . This may seem silly, but that phrase became a symbol of hope and new beginnings for me. For you to understand why, I think some updates are in order. After the miscarriage and Christmas season, I made a decision to leave my job. Something just clicked and I had to make a change. I am not saying the job itself is what caused the miscarriage, but I do believe the lifestyle I was living did. My job was almost 24-7 and I hadn't found a way to turn it off when I was home. None of that was conducive to having a child. So I searched for jobs I knew would still provide the mental challenge I yearned for, similar i...
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