Our Fertility Journey: Forever in My Heart-Waiting for the Day I Can Hold You in My Arms

My Dear Little Peanut, You came to us at such an unexpected time. We had a plan and knew your brother was coming in June. When we first found out about you, I think my reaction was different than the rest because I just didn’t think you’d come so soon. I always heard of those getting pregnant after adopting, but this just seemed quick. I also was worried, because I wanted to be able to give my best to both of you and worried I wouldn’t be able to with how close in age you’d be. I’m so sorry that your life with us was spent with my worries. I’m also sorry my guard was up. When you experience loss like this so many times, you almost grow numb to it. Please know that doesn’t mean you were not loved. In fact, you always will be. You are with your two other siblings in a world I haven’t gotten to see yet, but we will be reunited later in life and I will get to hold you. For now, I ask that you be a guardian angel to your brother on earth that will soon join us. This loss was different

Today is one of my favorite days. Today was the day we met our baby. We got to see their little face, heartbeat, hands, feet, legs, and everything else. My heart is already so full and we still have months to go before they grace us with their beautiful presence. He or she (revealed below) is due June 9th and we cannot wait.

For those who know me even a little, they are fully aware of how much of a planner I am. Even if I am sitting still, my mind is likely still racing and planning the next.....whatever there is to plan. You'd think by 32 that I would have learned by now that life does NOT work that way. I have a little. Obviously by now I thought we would have had a little toddler running around and that has not come to be. So when an unexpected miracle came into our life, I was definitely thrown completely off and in a big, bad, beautiful way.  The Planny Mcplannertons is learning to just embrace because I have no idea what my future stores, but I do know the big guy upstairs is looking out.  You'll see why soon. I was home sick December 7th, which worked out well because that was the 2 year mark since our 1st miscarriage. I know two years have passed, but you never get over it. You simply learn to live with it. I laid low and started binge watching This is Us, which was such a dumb idea due t