Our Fertility Journey: Forever in My Heart-Waiting for the Day I Can Hold You in My Arms

  We all know Dr. Google can be pretty negative when all we really want is to find some reassuring news. This was all I wanted when I found out that the combination of my LEEP procedure (scraping early Cancer off my cervix) and IVF can lead to an incompetent cervix. An incompetent cervix is when your cervix basically can’t handle pregnancy and you deliver early without typical contractions.  My OB informed me they would be monitoring every two weeks from weeks 16 - 24 to measure and make sure no folding occurs. What did I do the minute I got in the car? I searched for any success stories, which ended up being hard to come by. My hope is that my success story will reassure others.  Biweekly Monitoring If you find yourself in this situation, you’ll get to see your little every two weeks with cute ultrasound pics included. It was really nice getting extra face time with our growing peanut. We also got to see his heartbeat  and, after three losses, this was really reassu...

It was March 16th and all of us at the office were told we would be working from home until further notice. The number of Covid-19 numbers were rising and it was evident, we were in the middle of a pandemic. My boss had us each come into his office to discuss what this new work-life would look like and I started crying. It had nothing to do with work, but I had an IVF transfer scheduled that Friday and was terrified this date I’ve prepared for would never happen.  March 20th We were actually one of the fortunate ones and were not turned away. We had to wear masks and were told of the risks, but were allowed to go through with it. I wore my lucky pineapple socks, a pineapple shirt, and listened to catchy tunes the whole way to Grand Rapids. We were greeted right away and had our temperatures checked. Once we passed the screening, we were lead to our room. They showed us a picture of our beautiful embryos and began the transfer. The whole process was so surreal. Here these two b...

I watched 3 YouTube videos on how to give myself an injection on my backside - This is infertility I’ve been injecting my body with hormones and taking pills because it’s broken and doesn’t do it on its own. - This is infertility I gave myself a pity party and cried because after 3 weeks of injections, there was a thicker and longer needle that would soon be part of my daily routine. I was tired of it all and just wanted to not have to do this. - This is infertility I follow a group of women on social media where some are just starting their journey and some have had it far worse than I have. I even have family and coworkers on their and we each know things about one another that those close to us may not. These women inspire me and sadden me because none of them deserve this. -This is infertility I get mad when people who constantly choose other people or things over their children yet continue to procreate. -This is infertility Pregnancy tests give me anxiety. -This is in...

It appears this body is not a baby making vessel. After 4 months of pills, injections, and assuming everything was a sign I was pregnant, not a single positive pregnancy test has resulted. Please don't be sad for me, though; I was secretly worried we would get pregnant, and I couldn't let that negatively affect my sweet boy. Plans B (IVF via embryo adoption) and Plan C (infant adoption) both would have similar, special stories in how they came to be which is what I prefer. Blood and DNA have nothing to do with family and just because we can't get pregnant "naturally" doesn't mean Edison won't have a sibling. So here we are at Plan B and I am so ready. I think..... My New Daily Companion Look at those beauties. Ever since I knew we were pursuing IVF, I knew injections would be part of it. It isn't like I haven't stuck a needle in me before. I did it once a month for several months. This is different, though. These will be a daily part of my...

Plans Change and Change Again Sometimes, I think God laughs at me when I make plans. I'd like to think he finds some moderate enjoyment in watching my mind work. The recent turn of events is a perfect example of that. I was sitting at my desk, at work, and taking a break to scroll Facebook. A guy I went to school with and his wife posted a picture from the day they officially adopted their son. Seeing their picture made me so grateful for how Edison came into our life and that he is ours. It also made me question our plan for IVF. It wasn't that I didn't wan't to do it, but I started contemplating embryo adoption instead. This seems like an odd shift given our reproductive bits checked out just fine; this means we can use our own embryos and would have decent chances at a successful pregnancy. Something inside me didn't want to use ours, though. I just kept thinking about these unborn, frozen babies, just waiting to be born. I thought about Edison's very spec...

Looking back at where this blog started and where our journey began is indescribable. I feel the term "blessed" is tossed around too often, but blessed is exactly how I feel. Our perfect little boy turned 1 in June and seeing the person he is becoming, even at 1 year of age, is exciting. He is adventurous yet cuddly, outgoing yet needs time to make sure he trusts you, and is confident and knows he is loved. When we first found out about him and the cost of adoption, we were more than OK with him being our one and only. We still share that mentality, but after he was four months old, my husband mentioned the idea of giving him a sibling. Having a child changes your perspective in many facets, which I  know all of my parent friends are well aware of, but what I didn't expect was that the wanting for another child has nothing to do with the parents, but for the first born. We want him to have a sibling if that is in God's plan. You are all keenly aware of our inability...