We are Fighters

I didn't expect to have an update this soon, but what I need to realize is I need to stop having any expectations.  I have no clue which obstacles will continue, how high or low the hills will be, and there is not a single thing I can do about it.  The reason I say this is because I didn't think my appointment on Monday to have the ultrasound would be a big deal.  My husband, Tim, insisted my mom come with me since he had to work and I asked her even though I saw no point.  This wasn't supposed to be a big appointment and I already knew what the situation was.  I knew I had a heart-shaped uterus so what else was there to worry about?  Wrong again.

As I'm sitting on the table with the nurse examining my lady business, I asked her what she saw.  Of course she played it safe and told me my doctor would go over everything with me.  She was nice about it, but it still annoyed me.  Just tell me already, no your not a doctor but you also know what you are looking at.  Luckily the fertility center doesn't keep you waiting which I was pleasantly surprised by as the nurse took me to the meeting room where one of the fertility specialist would go over the findings.   He said my uterus has a septum, which is why it appears heart shaped.  He said the previous findings were incorrect when they referred to my uterus as arcuate because that implies it isn't altered very much.  He also said the HSG cannot see as in-depth as the ultrasound which is why his findings differed.  The septum is an upside down triangle that divides the uterus into two cavities. He then told me surgery would need to occur where they will surgically remove my septum.  The reason this needs to occur is because the septum can cause recurring miscarriages as the embryo implants on the septum and doesn't get proper blood-flow or nutrients and aborts.  Another reason is because the septum divides your uterus so much that it almost appears as two separate, smaller uteri which is not a lot of room for a baby to grow, hence early labor.  So needless to say, I walked out of the room with all kinds of emotions and was so glad to see my supportive mother waiting for me in the waiting room.  Thanks Tim. You made the right call.  

So my surgery takes place the day after labor day.  It is called a Hysteroscopy with resection of Uterine Septum.  I won't bore you with the details or gross you out but it basically goes as follows from what I have read:

1. I can't eat or drink 12 hours prior to surgery.

2. I take medication to make my cervix soften which will make me cramp (fun times).

3. They will stick a camera and surgical tool to remove the septum which is "zapped" and will then open up the uterus for a roomier shape.

4. I will be sleeping the whole time and will wake up with mild discomfort and possible spotting for a few days.

Good times are ahead people, but in all sincerity, it' a good thing.  I am convinced this is why our little peanut miscarried at 4-5 weeks and would rather not continue to go through that loss over and over again.  A friend said it perfectly when she said, "It's like getting your heart ripped out and feeling empty inside."  So for me, the less of that the better.  The doctor also said he has had many successful pregnancies after.  Yes there are risks, but he said in his over 20 year career, he has never seen any of them actually occur.  So this really is moving us in the right direction.  We will have to wait a few months to allow my uterus to heal and then will try to conceive again, so I am hoping by the first of the year, we will have our formal plan of when to start IUI or whatever it is we do.  After my surgery, we meet with my specialist September, 19th to go finalize our plan of action.  I will definitely update you on the surgery incase anyone else has to have it because if you are anything like me, you want to know what you are getting yourself into.  

I had my minor bout of self pity and got emotional a few nights ago thinking how it isn't fair that some women practically blink and they are pregnant, some get pregnant by mistake, and then there are those like us who have to fight in order to have our little ones.  I was talking to one of my best friends about it and ended with this, "I could easily go into how unfair it is that there are so many obstacles for having something that I want so desperately, but it's pointless. I'm blessed to live the life I have and will love our children this much more because I fought like hell to have them."