I've waited a bit to update because frankly, I needed a break. For those of you who truly know me, know that I can obsess and let my eagerness to control everything about my life get the best of me. So after my last appointment, I went on vacation with my husband and tried to find my "zen." I'm not saying I am a Yoga enthusiast with Indian tattoos everywhere, who thinks everything is a spiritual experience......although I did try Yoga for the first time today and wow I suck......but back to my point. I had my last appointment with my OBGYN July 30th and left feeling discouraged. On a previous post, I mentioned how I felt reassured after having the HSG done because the OBGYN on call said I did have a heart-shaoed uterus, but that some women do and that's okay. She also said my doctor would probably put me back on Chlomid since that got us pregnant in December. So I went into my appointment with expectations and if I could teach any of you one thing it would be to knock that right off. I am not a doctor and Google is not years of schooling or experience in the medical field so I can't go in thinking it is going to go a certain way. This is one aspect of my life I will never have control of and the sooner I accept that the better. I learned that lesson the hard way at this appointment because instead of Chlomid, my OBGYN referred me to a fertility specialist. She said she wants me to have the quickest route to pregnancy with the least amount of medication, which I totally get and agree with. I guess when I heard her say fertility specialist, I thought that as a death sentence because it meant she was giving up, but I couldn't have been more wrong.
So we went on vacation following that appointment and had our first meeting with our fertility specialist Monday, July 18th. I'll never forget Tim, the hubby, trying to tickle me in the waiting room and teasing me. I looked at him and then it all became very clear to me. He was just as nervous as I am. This isn't just about me and what I want. We are in this together and want so much to meet our future little ones. It was such a needed awakening for me because from that moment, my mindset changed and I felt calmer. We both said our prayers that morning before going in and left with a sense of relief because we had a plan.
Our doctor was not only smart, but had such a kind, nurturing way about her that made us both feel safe. The Type A girl in me felt happy because we began a rough draft of an actual plan for how it will go. I know it could change and you never know what could happen, but at least it's an idea. So our next step is for me to travel to Grand Rapids for an ultrasound to determine how my uterus is formed. It is bicornuate, but she wants to know just how much because in this case if the divide in the middle is so deep that it almost divides my uterus into two parts, that could make it risky when/if we do conceive. Following that we will meet and begin the planning for an IUI.
Another item I want others to know is that you really have to advocate for yourself. The reason I am having an ultrasound is because when the HSG was done, their notes were not telling as far as how the shape truly is. They indicated a deep arcuate uterus which can mean a lot of things, but that is all they indicated, so when the specialist saw that, it didn't give her enough information. That's okay though. I truly believe each step is just another learning lesson and hurtle to help us grow. I have been praying a lot and every time I start to think or "Google," I stop myself and let it go. We will be parents. We may not know the path that will lead us there, but it will happen and everything that leads us there is that much more worth it. So for those of you who feel like it will never end, it will. The sooner we let go and have faith, the better it will be. Hug your husbands, enjoy being together and the life you live, and remember how important it is that you have one another and always will. Until next time my friends...
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